"I really like your blog.
It's real.
Yours has emotion.
Whereas mine is basically just a recap of my day.
Yes I have had some deep moments...but not like you.
I admire that.
And I think I might blog this.
Thank-you for the inspiration."
So I have just read about 2 weeks worth of Tayla-Blog.
I'm Jealous.
I am never able to put my feeling and beliefs into words to simply write down and post on the Internet.
Here is part of a blog of hers from January 12th.
"Infatuation is the emotion and feeling that i have mistaken love for so many times. It is only recently that i realised this. Infatuation. In my mind, an ugly word. What it represents though. I struggle with this. On one had, infatuation is a great feeling. I’m not sure how to describe it so here is dictionary.com’s definition for it:
A foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction.
An object of extravagant, short-lived passion.
I notice the word passion and I think “yep, this is definitely a good description.” Passion is a word i would use when describing myself. And i think that is why infatuation has appealed to me so much in the past."
I will not post a link here to my dear friends blog. I believe that her blog has the ability to make you think.
Think about your life. Think about your understanding of the world. Think about your place in society.
And that is a gift that should not be taken for granted.
I think that Tayla could have the ability to change the world. Change the lives of other.
She has now changed the way I am looking at things.
I have come to the conclusion that life is hard.
Not everything always goes to plan.
You can't count on everything you try to make happen happening.
You make friends. You lose them and make more. Life just goes on.
They say life is too short to regret anything.
Who are they? and why did they only live for a month or two?
It's not about life being short. It's about life being long.
Its about not ruining the promising future because of the stupid past.
They say live everyday as if it's you last.
I have been alive for 5,542 days.
That's about 133,008 Hours.
That's 7,980,480 Minutes.
And 478,828,200 Seconds
If I make one bad decision. A bad lack of judgment all those seconds, minutes, hours, days could be ripped away from me in one moment. But let us not hope for the worst.
Our society is constantly confronted with the topic of death.
Everyday our news begins with tragic deaths. Whether it's war, Teenage hooliganism, Celebrity drug overdose. The point is that when we turn to the news at 6 o'clock every night. Or when we read the newspaper at breakfast every morning. Death is among us. It's inescapable. Everybody dies.
My Grandfather is 89. I have always had this vision of my Grandpa, My Dad, and my Bapou walking my down the aisle. The problem used to be that I didn't have 3 arms. But yesterday I was thinking about it. My mother got married when she was 26. I plan to be wedded around that same age. If I get married when I'm 25 my grandpa will be 99. He would either be too old and weak to walk me. Or his seat could unfortunately be empty.
My Bapou is currently 78. Therefore 88 at the above suggested date.
When he was in his 50 he was playing soccer with my dad. When I last saw Bapou he was showing me newspaper cutouts from every weeks sports section. I remember one article reading... "Armidale wins grand final over (opposition team) 2-0. The two goals were scored by father and son duo C and P. Thomas."
There were many articles that followed reading the same. Many pictures captioned with C. Thomas. I then came to the realisation that the past does matter. I saw the sadness and joy in his eyes at that moment. He missed what he used to be.
He showed me pictures of Cyprus. It was beautiful. He showed me pictures of England. It was amazing.
I used to think that he didn't understand modern day things. The truth is that he doesn't. The fact is that he understands something much more greater. He understand how the world has changed. That is something I have not yet had the privilege of witnessing. He was born in Cyprus. Then Costantinos Thoma moved to England. His name was changed to Costa Thomas. Not speaking a word of English he was hired in an Indian restaurant to was dishes. Eventually he made his way up the working chain and became and Indian Chef. He met a beautiful, Tall, Red-headed Ballerina. Her stage name was Nova Kimm. Her real Identity? Nova Mohamed. They got married, had two children; Andrena and Phillip. When Phillip was age 7 they got on a ship and Migrated to Australia to the country town of Armidale. Little Pommy, Red-headed Phillip's accent was beaten out of him in a week. Those boys that beat him up? Well, they went on to become his best friends.
I'm proud of where my Family comes from.
My Mums Mother and Father met in World War II. As I understand they were sending radio transmissions to each other in the Air force.
On the 3rd of September 1939 Britain, France, Australia and New Zealand declare war on Germany; My Grandpa's 19th Birthday.
My brother turns 19 in 46 days.
These last few paragraphs I understand do not have much to do with my life. But I believe that one day they would be of some importance.
I cannot imagine Michael be forced to fight in the war. I doubt that he will change much in the next 46 days to make me think otherwise.
He had only lived for 6,939 on that day. He has gone on to live another 25,708 days. And still going. During the 6 years that followed (approx. 2100 days) anyone of those days could of been his last. But none of them were.
I believe that he will live to see 100. He will live to see me get Married.
I believe my Bapous Brothers fought in the war. My Bapou will live to see 90. He will live to see the day he cries at my wedding because some nice Greek boy is taking ownership of his Meega.
I remember a few Christmas's ago. I had some professional Photos of me to show Bapou and my cousins. Once he saw the Photos he immediately started crying. He went away for a while then came back more composed. He called me his little Nova. From then on I realised I was not doing things to please my Parents. I was doing things to please him too.
Every year he tells me not to cut my hair. To let it grow long.
He tells Me and my Cousin Sophie to take care of each other and if we lived our lives half the way Grandma did, We could have any boy we wanted.
For a man that constantly complains in his broken English way. For a man that says he does not have much longer to live. He had great advice. He has seen the world and how it has changed. He has lived his life.
I believe that he is ready to die. Everyday he goes to the RSL club. Bets on the horses. At least twice a week takes new flowers to my Grandmas Grave. Then he goes home. To his big lonely house. Drinks some beer or other Alcoholic Beverages, makes his dinner for one, Then goes to bed around 7:30. He has friends, There's Jack and Hans... But I believe he is just waiting for death to come and take him. When it does, He will be ready. He knows that once he passes, He will be remembered and he will see his beloved again.
I don't think he will be dying anytime soon. But when he does. I know he will be going happily.
Same with my Grandpa. He has his cat misty. She keeps him company until the time comes. Then he will have his Audrey again. He has had a triple Heart Bi-pass. He gets Needle Injections In his Eyeball Once a month to reduce blood clot behind his eye which limits his vision further. He wears a hearing aid. He will eventually find the numb peace that comes with death. He will leave an amazing life behind. But he will start another will old friends and family and loves. He will be truly happy.
After writing this blog I now have a knew out look on death. You will leave grieving people behind. But you will be truly happy. You will be painless. With nothing but time to remember the good experiences that filled your life on earth.
I believe we all have that one special person. And even though they may leave you at some point, you will always see them again.
I'm Megan Thomas.
I have Lived for 5,542 days.
I'm excited for the future. Near and Far.
I will die Happy.
Whether its when I'm 18 or 88. I will know that I came from a family of pretty amazing people.
I will go up to heaven. Where I belong. And start all over.
I now have a new appreciation for life.
I will now leave you with a quote.
"They say before you die, Your life flashes before you eyes.
Make it worth watching."
Megan Jane Thomas
