Terrible Ass Shit 10 Minutes.

"I hate Oxford Street.

I hate Grilled.

I hate the Cinemas.

I hate Memorial park.

I hate Doggers.

I hate Life."

So I was going to lunch and the movies with mum.

Before we even found a park I saw something unbearable.

I cried and went home.

My Holidays were going so well. And then in one moment they suddenly went completely downhill.

I hate the way life does that. Just when you think everything is starting to brighten up. Your loving everything about where you are in your 80 year long journey. And then suddenly, in less than a day, less than an hour, less than 10 minutes, you suddenly feel worthless, like no-one wants you around, like your not good enough for them.

But, for some odd reason, you do find peace.

Peace in tears.

I have only just stopped now. 30 minutes.

But I might cry again some more.

oh yes here it comes.

Note to self:

Don't talk about crying when your trying to stop.

I was so happy with my life.

I have a great group of friends.

I was, for once in my life, happy with the way I look. I felt beautiful.

But then, this one occurrence has made me feel insecure, alone and unwanted.

I'm the kind of person that needs friends to survive so I wont be publicly dwelling on this.

Once these people speech to me I will not show anger towards them. I love them.

And one in particular I basically crave her approval. So how can I overcome this?

Yeah I'm not sure either. But there is one friend that I have come particularly close with recently. And this person was not present with the others that made me feel this way. I will be spending the day with this good person tomorrow.

They will make me feel worthy again. Though we are creating something to celebrate our friendships. I'm not sure how I will go with this. I'm sure tayla will help me through though.

I love her.

Well I'm going to go wallow in my own self pity.

You know, I thought only people in movies felt this way. I guess at least this will help my drama performances. I have now experienced another emotion. I have broadened me horizons.

So maybe when I'm delivering my Oscars acceptance speech I will thank these friends.

According to Dictionary.com

A friend is a noun.

It means A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. A person who provides assistance. A person who is on good terms with another.

Well... isn't that just dandy. There are a few people now who I am not currently on good terms with. I don't provide assistance to them, nor will I sympathize with them. I do not feel affection towards them.

Now, don't get me wrong, these feelings will most likely last another hour tops. But I think by writing this blog. By telling my self the words I am feeling this will some how help me to feel differently.

A great friend once told another who was feeling down to write their emotions and thoughts on a piece of paper. This is a great piece of advice, Instead I am posting this on the Internet in hopes that these people who have hurt me will read this and realise what they have subconsciously done.

Like I understand that they may have thought I was going to work today. But I got out of it to do something more enjoyable during my holidays. I ask one of these hurtful people if they wanted to do something today. They just said they were busy, end of story.

I then ask many other people if they were free. It seemed to be that everyone was busy, turns out they all had plans. No-one went into an elaborate description as to hat their plans were exactly.

As if they were keeping something from me.

Why couldn't they save me the trouble of seeing them all together and just tell me before hand that they were about to rip my heart out.

Why did this have to happen.

I may be over-reacting but this is how I currently feel.

I am just writing down what my mind is thinking.

I can't help the way I feel

Well I'm going to go now

I'll stop boring whoever the hell has no life and is ready this.

Bye.

Megan Jane Thomas