Stage 4

The 5 Stages of Grief:
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance.

I can't wait to reach step 5.
It is something that I cannot force my mind into. It is something that will come in time. I will eventually get there. I have been struggling for some time now.

I was originally In-Denial..... He was going to walk through the door. It was going to be all a life lesson. He was going to come back.

The he didn't. Then I was Angry and Confused. The whole situation didn't make sense. Why would god take him from us. why WHY WHY!!

Then I didn't feel anything for a while. I just stopped. As I look back on it, I feel like there was a month missing from my life. Gone. Dead. I don't know where it went; but it's gone.
I do not believe I have experience Bargaining. Due to the fact I don't know what it means. But there was a time between stages 2 and 4 that something was missing. I felt something different. Bargaining may be all those promises I made to myself that I never kept. The ones to change my self, change my appearance. Now I feel I have gotten fatter instead of Skinnier.

I am now currently in stage 4. Depression. I do not like to admit that I may be depressed, but all the signs seem to lead in that direction.
I have not yet spoken to anyone about this. Except you.
I read a magazine, It said if you answer yes to four or more of the following questions, it's possible you're suffering from depression.
These were the questions:
Have you felt sad, miserable or irritable for more than two weeks?
Have you lost all interest in things you usually love?
Have your grades dropped?
Have you gained or lost weight?
Do you feel restless, agitated or slowed down?
Do you feel tired all of the time?
Do you find it quite hard to make decisions?
Do you have difficulty concentrating at school?
Do you have a feeling of worthlessness or guilt?
Do you feel like life sucks?

Some of you may be thinking, well she doesn't seem depressed.
It is often quite common for depression to be easily covered up.
Though when I am not around my friends, I often go right down, I begin to talk slowly and do things slowly.
I'm not sure if it is normal to notice things like this in yourself.
I don't know if I am over reacting.
But what I do know is, I answered yes to more than four things in that list.
I would not like to go into in-depth discussions about this due to my tear ducts.
But don't think I'm not open for discussion.
If anyone knows be they will assume that anyway.
I have seen the signs, I may be overreacting but I want to feel better.
I want to reach stage 5.
I'm not sure if I ever will, but I want to get out of stage 4.

RIPD