tears can't save you now.

Sometimes, things annoy me.

Sometimes, I could cry.

Sometimes, I could over-react.

Sometimes, I don't care.

I sometimes realise the bigger things in life, that I begin to stop worrying, I begin to realise that everyone eventuallies dies.

You might not know everyone in your life as well as you wish you did.

My Grandmother dies a month before my second birthday, I never knew her. She knew she was dying so she prepared a special present for my 18th birthday.

I'm not excited to drink, I excited to know someone I never did.

My other Grandma died a month after my 8th birthday, I did know her, she had red hair and now I'm just like her.

I miss her sometimes, dad often says how proud of me she would be. Do people stop being proud once they die. we can't she just be proud of me.

I didn't get to spend much time with these wonderful women, but i know they are completely a part of me.

You might know someone so well that you never want them taken from you.

Recently, with the loss of Des, I have been finding it really hard to cope. Lots of things remind me of him, and my eyes begin to well up. But then i snap back to reality, like i have just now, and I continue on with my life, as my clock counts down, and i don't cry. Because I only knew him for about 2 years. people lose their mothers, just as my parents have, or their lovers, just as Des' wife has. And they Miss their loved ones. I should not cry like i do, I should carry on with my life and be greatful for what i do have, and the people I have. Because they're here with me, right now.

I love my Grandmothers, And I love Des,

I miss all of them, Des more than the others.

I didn't connect with them like i did with him.

I guess i knew him in a more significant part of my life.

But i miss him, Every day that he is gone.

And everyday i come to realise more and more,

that he's never coming back.

He is not going to walk through that door and it just all be a life lesson.

I have given up on that dream.

He is never coming back.