vulnerability

Vulnerability -
Capable of being hurt. Subject to physical or emotional injury.

I thought of you again today, but this time i struggled more to hide it from society's prying eyes.

I did something bad today, something very bad.
I revealed a secret in which I was not entitled to share.
When the secret holder found out about this I automatically felt the hole begin to surface.
I guess I'm just quite vulnerable at the moment, such a little thing, like a possible, slight, momentary loss of trust or a friendship made my mind drift back to you.
My eyes soon began to well up.

I miss you immensely.
Monday's are not easy for me, it's not because it's the start of the school week, but it's because my day is filled with volleyball, I have training and I also play a game.
When I serve I think of you, just as I'm about to hit the ball, my mind drifts. Then my serve fails.

I'm not sure how I will cope in Toowoomba without you. It will be a struggle, the first comp without you.

I miss you so much, I may seem bullet proof and unharmed on the outside, but on the inside I'm a hollow monster.
I have begun to retaliate against my family, my mother in particular, I'm often very short with her, and then I feel very bad for it.
And I know your passing can;t be used as an excuse but I feel ever since you left me I have struggled to regain my footing, or live my life as the person you would want me to be.

Rest In Peace Des.